Saturday, August 04, 2007

New Home!

This blog has found a new home!

Hoary Tales of Dune on Hairy Ticks of Dune dot Net!


Friday, June 08, 2007

Even Master B...

For millennia we have built this image of ourselves. Vile, detestable, impetuous. All to create a myth that would set the stage for our Ascendancy. But tall and stupid?!? The Anderson Manifesto destroys everything the Chosen Ones have worked for...
—Tleilax Master B, Speech to the Masheikh in Kehl

Even Master B, the most powerful of the Masheikhs, knew his contact with the powindah forced him to abase himself in ghufran. He must beg pardon for contacting the unimaginable sins of these powindah and at no time was it more important than now. He had read the Anderson Manifesto! He was unclean. But God himself had set him on this mission. It was time for him to meet with the Masters in Kehl to plead his case. To save the plan the people of the Yaghist and worked so hard for and had made so many sacrifices to see their Ascendancy come to fruition.

Approaching the chambers wearing his white khilat robe of honor, Master B felt his small body was covered in the Armor of God.

Small body. I remain true to the Bene Tleilax. I remain unaffected by this change in canon.

The Dommel bowed to him as he walked by, aware that the MahiMahi would determine the fate of all their people this day in Kehl. As Master B entered the sagra chamber, shielded from prescient spies by a no-chamber field, he immediately noticed a foul smell.

Oh God, Mirlat has been eating burritos again. By the Prophet, can we get some air freshener in here?

“My nine fellow councilors, I, as MahiMahi and Abdl of our people come to you in a time of dire need. Everything that we have planned for millennia is about to be undone by a single document. A horrible, poorly written, powindah document that questions the very nature of what it is to be Bene Tleilax!”

“Why does the MahiMahi worry so much; does he lose faith in the course the Prophet has presented us?”

It was Mirlat. The heavy cartilage along the jawline of the next Master in line for MahiMahi was typically thought to be evidence of his very old age. Of course, the other Masheikhs knew this was the result of years of chewing tough powindah food.

“I have read this manifesto. I do not fear it the way you do Abdl,” said Scytale, the youngest of the serial ghola Masters. Promoted for his cunning plan to restore ghola memories in an attempt to gain leverage over the Emperor Muad’dib.

Scytale stood up to face the Council. Towering above the other short, gray Masheikhs, Master B was suddenly struck by the observation that Scytale was tall!!

Its too late!! He has already been poisoned by this blasphemous document!!

“Scytale! You are as tall as a normal powindah! You destroy the very image that we have spent millennia building!!” said Master B.

“Hey, what’s the big deal. Once the famous swordmaster and powindah slut Duncan Idaho disguised himself as a Master. Nobody seemed to notice.” Scytale responded, flippantly.

“But he was a ghola of an eleven year old boy!! He was similar in height to one of us!!”

“Bah, details, details……”

(By Tleilax Master B)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Meanwhile, back in the Selamlik...

Has not lineal descendancy claimed a patent on canonicity for all of these millennia?
—The Tleilaxu Question, from Muad'dib Speaks

The air of Tleilax was crystalline, gripped by a stillness that was part the morning chill and part a sense of fear as though everything that was once sacred was now defiled. The MahiMahi, Master B, Master of the Masters, enjoyed this hour more than any other of the day. The city was his now as he looked out through his open window. Bandalong would come alive at his command. Master B would be faced with a difficult task, one that could only be resolved in Kehl. Would the Council see the importance of this task? Would all that was sacred and canon to the Bene Tleilax be cast aside by this one document?

The Anderson Manifesto. How will we counter this defiling of Tleilaxu canon?

The thought had crossed his mind so many times. Even as he stopped at the selamlik to distribute his particularly virile and vigorous sperm, the cloud of doubt hung over him like the time Mirlat had eaten that bean burrito.

Powindah food. He should have known better. One day Mirlat will be the MahiMahi. But that cannot be my concern now. I must convince the Council to stop the distribution of the Anderson Manifesto before all that we know as canon is destroyed. The Ascendancy is upon us, and if we don’t put an end to this treachery we will all have shortened life spans, lowered IQs, and an unnatural obsession with overweight powindah.

Master B’s task was clear. Today the fate of the Bene Tleilax would be in his hands....

Written by Tleilax Master B

Saturday, December 09, 2006


I have often wondered why Moneo has yet to conspire with a Duncan against me; I certainly have given him more than enough reason over the long years of his service. The "Pull my flipper" routine itself must wear on his nerves...seeing how I use it almost daily. Could it be perhaps that he finds the inevitable blast of oxygen invigorating?
—Leto II, The Hidden Journals

The Sand Chigger sat in his study in the tastefully appointed rooms he shared with the Chigger Bint and their progeny on the south side of Sietch Tigr, trying to decide what to do next....

It had been many years since he had tasted the heady elixir of battle juice, and he feared he might not be up to the task. This New Enemy was devious and powerful, and had gained much support throughout the Million Worlds. It would not be an easy fight.

But fortune favors the bold, he reminded himself. He sat up straight on the miniature chairpoodle and, knocking a wayward glowglobe out of the way, began to type again....

Friday, December 08, 2006

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